12 Books to Help You Talk to Little Kids About Big Emotions
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Little kids feel all the same emotions that adults do, but they don’t know how to regulate or identify them. And that must be scary.
You’ve likely heard stories about people who thought they were having a heart attack going to the ER only to find out that they were really suffering from anxiety. It’s the same thing, but little ones are experiencing that sort of revelation with each emotion that they encounter.
It is our job as parents to help our children understand these emotions and develop a robust emotional intelligence. Here are 5 ways that I encourage expression while working through the ups and downs of little kids and their big emotions.
Validate your child’s feelings
The number one thing that I always try to tell my kids is that what they are feeling is ok. Saying things like “It’s ok to feel mad. I get mad sometimes too,” makes them feel less lost.
Inject emotional language into everyday
I ask my kids all the time how certain situations make them feel or how they think others feel in that situation. For example, when we read Mae Among the Stars and the teacher tells Mae that she can’t be an astronaut, we pause. I ask my kids if they have ever been in a situation like that or how being told they can’t do something would make them feel.
Similarly, the adults in my home are very open about how we feel. Like most things, exposure at home is the first step. If kids see that mom and dad have these big emotions, talk about them, and work through them calmly, they are more likely to mimic that behavior.
And finally, once we are sure that everyone is physically safe during tantrums, the first question is, “How are you feeling?” Then we address the origin of the feeling and how we can resolve it.
Let them come up with the solution
As much as possible, and as age appropriate, I allow my kids to come up with resolutions to conflicts on their own. I don’t force apologies. When they aren’t sure how to remedy big situations, I will tell them what helps me or what I would appreciate in the situation. Having that autonomy to make decisions and [hopefully] make the first big step towards apologizing or empathizing is empowering.
Model Empathy
If 2020 has taught us anything, it is empathy. This is a BIG emotion that I don’t expect of little kids often, but modeling empathy regularly ingrains it in your kids. On a very basic level, I often ask how they think their behaviors would make other’s feel. For example and as mentioned above, after my kids take toys from one another, we ask them how that makes them feel and how they think the other child feels to cause them to act like that.
Offer an outlet
This is a new tactic that we have started. Typically, when our kids feel really big, one of two things will make them feel better - a punch or a hug. Mom or dad will put both hands up and ask the child if they want to punch or hug. If they want to punch, they can safely punch our hand and release a little energy. If they want a hug, we smother them in love and go from there. Honestly, my kids have chosen hug 9 times out of 10.
How do you explain emotion to a child?
Even as adults, it can be hard to identify emotions - and we know the meanings! For my kids, identifying with characters that they love is the biggest step in understanding emotions. These are some great books that we love that explain emotions in terms [and in beautiful images] that appeal to kids.
one | The Way I Feel: Go along with kids as they feel big emotions in their everyday life, like frustration when trying to tie their shoes or get dressed alone. After reading, we like to pick a page in the book and talk about a time when we felt like the characters did. And make the faces of big emotions - it always ends in laughs.
four | What Does It Mean to Be Kind?
five | A Little Spot of Emotion Set: This series, and specifically A Little Spot of Anger, helped introduce a coping mechanism to my toddler when he gets overwhelmed with anger.
six | Grumpy Monkey: Jim Panzee is having a grumpy day, and that’s ok. It’s important to understand that sometimes we feel bad and that is ok.
seven | Learning to Share: Sharing is a big trigger for my three small kids. Watching the characters handle sharing depersonalizes it and makes it more objective.
eight | Wild Symphony: This is my new favorite find! Maestro Mouse leads you on a wild ride of life lessons and music. Each page introduces animals, discusses their habitats and habits, and covers an important life lesson like “It’s okay to block out bad things, but don’t forget to open up and invite the good things in.”
ten | Spaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun
twelve | My Body Sends a Signal: This book connects the dots between the way kids feel emotionally and physically. For example, the main character gives a gift to his grandfather and walks the reader through how he changes the way he carries himself when he feels proud - how the physical follows the emotional.
