A Day in the Life During Social Distancing

Being a SAHM, social distancing isn’t causing too many hiccups for me. However I know that is not the case for many, and I am most certainly counting my lucky stars that this outbreak is not causing chaos at home. Even if my anxiety is through the roof.

If you aren’t used to having all your kids home all day, I thought I would share a quick glimpse into our days along with some suggestions on what to do to keep the kids entertained. As a reminder, I have an almost 4 year old, a 2.5 year old, and a 5 month old.

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600 - 830am - Wake up, breakfast, changed, and general free time. My husband and I are usually catching up on how the overnight shift went for the little sleepers, what the morning news is, and what the plan for the day is. We also take this time to get ourselves ready for the day. Typically, the baby does tummy time and free play on her mat while the boys are jumping on the bed and running around the living room doing unstructured play.

830am - Baby naps + the boys get media time and a snack. Usually I start a movie and towards the 30 minute mark they start to wander and play. I let them come and go to the movie while I start a load of laundry, wipe down frequently used surfaces, and prepare for morning play time.

930am - Recess. I send the boys in the backyard to play. Sometimes that is the bouncy house, sometimes the sandbox. I am looking into making them an obstacle course this weekend. If they aren’t enjoying themselves or treating each other kindly, I will intervene with a structured activity - nature walk + search, I spy, practicing soccer drills, talking about cloud shapes, etc.

10am - Baby wakes and eats. She will hang in her high chair and play (mostly with the lid to her bottle) while I start to figure out lunch for the boys and myself. If the activity that I have planned for the afternoon requires any prep, I do it at this point of the day. That usually looks like cutting pieces to a craft, drawing lines to be traced, making sure I have the supplies I need for an experiment, etc.

11am - Recess ends. Thank you FL weather for allowing the boys to be outside for over an hour! Depending on the activity and their sweatiness, we will either have them take a full bath or just a hand washing and change of clothes.

1130am - Lunch.

MOM TIP: Always eat at the same time that your kids do. That way you can get other things done when you have a minute alone.

1215-230pm - Naps. They all nap. If my oldest doesn’t for some reason, he still stays in his room and plays quietly. I will take this time to rest myself if needed, plan the afternoon, place orders, schedule appointments, meal plan, write, and now create a little curriculum for my oldest son.

230pm - Baby wakes and has a bottle. She and I usually hang until the boys emerge from their rooms groggily. We will read books mostly. I also take her on a tour of the house and chat with her. She loves looking into mirrors too.

3pm - The boys come out of their rooms and have a snack and watch a show. It takes them a little while to wake up so leaving them alone works for everyone. I will do dishes and continue to play with the baby.

330pm - Activity/School Work. My oldest is only in PreK so his learning isn’t heavily academic. However, I don’t want him to feel behind when he gets back to school so I am making up some activities for him to do that will coincide with what they are doing in class. For him, each week of school is centered around a letter. This week is the letter V so yesterday we used construction paper to make a vase shaped like a V with flowers inside. We talked about the sound the letter made, discussed the colors of the flowers he wanted to make, and counted the petals. His younger brother was busy putting stickers inside a bubble letter V. Today, I am going to make a quick volcano out of baking soda, vinegar, and water. Thank you, Pinterest.

4pm - Free play for the boys. They will hang out in the playroom and play unstructured. I go put the baby down for her last little cat nap and then play with the boys. There is a lot of dress up, make believe, Legos, and book reading at this point in the day.

5pm - More media time while I make dinner.

530pm - Baby wakes + dinner time. The baby also gets her solid food at this time so we are all eating together.

6pm - Playtime with dad or more outside play.

630pm - Bath time for the boys and bedtime + bottle for the baby. While dad puts the baby down, I will finish up baths, get teeth brushed, and start our bedtime routine - lots of running around and then calming down with a book that we all read together. Dad will join at the tail end to put one of the boys in bed, and I handle the other.

7pm- Bedtime for the boys

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I am lucky that my only child in school is not really at the age yet where homework or school work is expected of him. I am leaning heavily on Pinterest and Busy Toddler right now for activities. My hope is that over the weekend I will be able to sit down and make more of a curriculum of activities vs scrambling at the last minute like I have the last two days.

I hope that helps you figure out how to structure your days. One thing that I always tell myself is that children thrive on routine. They are discovering so much about the world every day that knowing when to expect a nap or a meal is a huge comfort to them.

Hoping you’re all well!

6 Ways to Stay Relevant to Corporate America as a Stay at Home Parent

I dread the question, “So what do you do for a living?”  Well, I am a college educated woman in 2020 choosing to stay home with my children.  

If this answer isn’t met with an, “Oh, good for you,” then it is stunned silence and a subject change. I often feel that my answer to this question makes me seem unmotivated. As if choosing to prioritize my children over my career is the lazy route. 

Sure, most of my daily tasks are those that June Cleaver would find familiar - laundry, meal prepping, and general housekeeping - when I am not reading a book to my toddler, changing my baby’s diaper, or trying to wrangle my preschooler out of a tree. But unlike Mrs. Cleaver, this is just a temporary gig for me. I fully intend to get back into the workforce once my children are all in school full time.

Since I have three children, I am looking at a grand total of ten years away from the workplace. Ten years where housework and child rearing are my major everyday tasks, and the fact that the house is standing and the kids are alive is what I have to show for it.  

My mother also spent about ten years away from the workplace starting in the late 1980s to care for me and my brother. When she left her office job, fax machines were new and exciting.  When she returned, cell phones and personal computers were at every desk. She essentially had to learn how modern business was done all over again. Not to mention assimilate back into a 9-5 routine and navigate the tricky dynamics of new office politics.  

While many will say that full time parenting is the hardest job in the world, it doesn’t exactly translate into a substantial resume. In an effort to avoid a hard transition back into the workplace, I make a conscious effort to remain relevant to corporate America while staying at home with my children.  

If you’ve put your career on hold to stay at home, here are 6 things that you can do as a stay at home parent to make yourself a more desirable candidate when you reenter the workforce. 

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1.Take Professional Development Classes 

Sites like SkillsShare have courses in a broad range of topics from business to design at no cost. Even just educating yourself on a topic that interests you like interior design or caring for your houseplant shows initiative on your part and gives you a topic to discuss intelligently as a personal interest in any future interview. 

If you’re looking to go the extra mile, sites like Coursera and edX offer professional certifications with coursework focusing on Business Writing, Corporate Finance, and Management that you can tackle at your own pace once the kids go down.

 2.Listen to Podcasts 

I love a good true crime podcasts like any red blooded American, but there are plenty of other options for when you get a little tired of hearing the word “murder”.  

Add a quick headlines podcast to your daily morning routine. Catch up with current events by listening to AP Headlines or get the rundown on the economy with NPR’s Planet Money.  

 When you have a bit more time and focus, find podcasts that are relevant to your industry or a soft skill that you want to hone. Lead Into It is a new podcast with short episodes by a female millennial US Air Force Reservist who interviews leaders from both the traditional workplace and the military about how they lead effectively.    

3.Volunteer 

At the very least, a volunteer role proves that you have time management skills and community awareness.  If you are willing and able to take a leadership role, the job skills that you are practicing are endless - sales if you’re working on a fundraiser, communication if you’re leading a team, and so on. 

 Volunteer opportunities can also translate into a profession in the nonprofit sector easily if you have a familiarity with 501(c)(3) organizations.   

4.Stay current with technology 

It is easy to become lackadaisical with evolving technology when all you really need to know how to operate is the Netflix remote and a LeapFrog reader.  

 Maintain a basic understanding of the programs that you used in previous careers and find a way to continue to use them in your everyday life. For example,  I use the ever evolving G Suite as a way to share photos and videos with family that live out of state. I also use Drive to manage my editorial calendar and Sheets to track expenses and revenues. Another small step for the not so tech savvy is to update your phone’s operating system, back it up to the cloud, and then transfer all your data yourself when it comes time to buy a new phone.   

5.Manage your home finances/budgeting 

Keeping your mind active with numbers, even just simple math like debits and credits, is a great mental exercise. Putting yourself in the driver’s seat when it comes to your family’s budget not only gives you an awareness of your financial stability, but it also opens the doors to hone your negotiation skills. See if your cable company is willing to change your rate since you’ve been a loyal customer. 

Take this opportunity to educate yourself on what you are actually paying.  What exactly is your mortgage rate? Should you refinance? What are your investments doing for you now and in the future?

 Develop or perfect your budgeting system by creating a spreadsheet with formulas to track expenses, bills, payments, etc. Take it a step further and keep track of your assets, liabilities, and net worth. Businesses do the same for their finances. Practicing this at home will educate you on what businesses consider when making big financial decisions. 

6.Stay social 

Your whole life can easily revolve around your children’s interests and schedules which can quickly become isolating. Maintain friendships and relationships with old colleagues and employers. 

Oftentimes, getting a job has to do with referrals and who you know. Going to happy hour with your friends who are still working is a great way to meet new people who might have future connections and to stay informed about the current climate in your industry.

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Never underestimate the work that you are doing on a daily basis.  So many of the skills that it takes to run a household with children are applicable to the workplace - delegation, time blocking, salesmanship.  When it comes time to reenter the workforce, don’t diminish the work that you have done while at home, but take extra steps to make yourself the most appealing candidate. 

Reese at 4 months

Four months?! I cannot believe that we have had our sweet baby Reese for 4 months! She has honestly been our easiest baby so far, so maybe that is why time seems like it is flying.

This is a VERY exciting time for parents because those precious little alien blobs are becoming little people who can hold their head up and react when you do something hilarious . But because this is such a developmentally rich time, it can also be difficult as your child gets used to transitions and realizations of the world around them.

I always find it helpful to see schedules and ideas of what I could be doing with my child, so I will share Reese’s schedule and a few of her favorite things. Most days are pretty much the same for us, but since this is my third child, she just has to be on the go more than my first two were. Hence all the -ishes in her day. :)

Schedule

6:30am - Bottle (6oz) + hang out while the family gets ready for work + school

7:30am-ish - Nap #1. This nap is usually good, allowing time for me to get ready for the day and have some good quality time with my other child at home.

9:30am-ish - Wake up + Bottle (6oz). If we have things to do, this is when I try to squeeze them in before picking up my oldest from school at 11.

10:45am-ish - Car Cat Nap. She is not the best car napper and usually wakes up when we get into carline so this is brief.

11:15am - Down for cat nap in crib - hit or miss, but I like to try to get her some rest since she hardly ever gets a full nap at this time of day since we are on the go.

12:30pm- Bottle 3 (60z)

2pm - Nap #3. This one is usually the one that I try to stretch if possible to make up for nap #2.

3:45pm - Bottle 4 (6oz) + playtime. I like to get all the kids outside at this time of day since it is usually not too hot this time of year. I prop Reese up in her seat (linked below) on a towel in the backyard and we watch the boys run or we go for walks in the stroller.

5pm - Intentional cat nap. By this time, Reese is a little drowsy, but not enough for a full nap. But without rest, she won’t make it happily until bedtime. This nap is already becoming a little unnecessary so it will be the next to go.

6:45pm - Bottle 5 (6oz)

7:15pm - Bedtime in her crib. We move her from her crib to the bassinet in our room when we go to bed around 10pm. Sometimes the transition is great, sometimes we wake her up and she is not happy about it.

Reese will sleep until about 6am. She is in the bassinet in our room so if she wakes up, it is easy to just pop her pacifier in. That is typically all it takes to calm her. We are definitely lucky when it comes to sleeping. I am a disaster without sleep, so getting my children on a sleep schedule early is of the utmost importance to me and my livelihood.

Generally, I like to keep my babies on an eat, play, sleep schedule so that they don’t get overly dependent on a completely full belly to put them to sleep. Of course, being the third child (and also a human) means that doesn’t always happen, but that is my preference if I can muster it.

Eat

Have you seen this kid’s cheeks? She is a good eater. I was very nervous about not being able to breastfeed her for as long as I hoped, but she luckily took right to a bottle and formula. She does 5 bottles a day each roughly 6 oz. She doesn’t wake in the middle of the night to eat at all anymore.

In the next month or so we will likely begin the adventure that is solids with lil miss. I do that in a very intentional manner since we have food allergies in the family.

Play

Play at this stage is still a lot of look at her look at me kind of thing. But she is THE smiliest baby I have ever met. And boy is she a momma’s girl. She follows me and spots me from across rooms. She has definitely taken to a few toys (linked below) namely Peek a Boo Forest and her O ball Shaker. Her hand eye coordination is improving daily. She can now reach and grab items when she puts her mind to it. She also tolerates tummy time well but can roll from tummy to back if she is over it.

Sleep

Like I mentioned, sleep is a priority for my family. I tried to start Reese sleep training closer to 2 months, but after a few days I could tell she wasn’t ready. I tried again this past month, and it took. We are a Ferber method family. It’s not for everyone because there is an element of Cry It Out involved, but all my children have slept overnight and through naps in their 3rd month so it works for us!

Of course some naps are hit or miss, but I have gotten quite a few tips from following Heaven Sent Sleep on Instagram. She does free tips on some Fridays, and there is some good stuff there!

I am struggling the most with the thought that she will soon be sleeping overnight in her crib. Since she is our last baby, I want to keep her as close as I can. I know that we will all get better sleep once this happens, but I am just not looking as forward to it as I have in the past.

Postpartum Update

I am doing great both mentally and physically! I credit a lot of the mental clarity to the fact that I stopped breastfeeding. I have a condition called DMER that makes breastfeeding emotionally difficult for me. Once I took that pressure off myself, I was really back to myself.

I am lucky to have not experiences postpartum depression with my children, but I am an anxious person so I keep an eye on that. I haven’t felt that change in any way in the last few months with Reese outside of my typical worries.

Physically, I am back to the gym doing at least two Orange Theory classes a week at full steam. Exercising is another thing that helps keeps me in the right headspace. That and coffee. And chocolate. Balance, right?

Favorite Items

Bows | Pacifiers | Shoes | Sound Machine | Seat | Sleepsuit | Stroller Canopy | Book | Baby Carrier | Shaker | Monitor

How I'm Approaching Traditions as a Parent of Young Kids

Fresh off the holiday season, I am take a step back to reconsider how I am going to approach traditions with my family moving forward. In this Pinterest-Instagram-centric age, it seems like we are all under so much pressure to make everyone’s moments picture perfect. Not to mention the pressure to capture that perfect moment on camera.

When I was knee deep in hand made Halloween costumes, faux fall leaves for crafting, and tinsel, I listened to an episode of The Lazy Genius Podcast titled Ten Steps to Creating Your Own Traditions that really got me thinking. I had put so much pressure on myself to make the holiday season unforgettable for my 2 and 3 year old. But let’s face it - they aren’t going to remember anything specific right now! If I’m lucky, they will remember the cozy feeling the house had at that time of the year. And really I can’t ask for much more than that.

For Brooks’ 3rd bday we took him to Disney World by himself. It was great. Lots of alone time, and we felt that was the perfect age to do it. So, it has become tradition! When Vance and Reese turn 3, they will get to go on solo trips to Disney if they want.

I decided that I would approach 2020 differently. I decided that I will not put so much pressure on myself to make each moment Pinterest perfect. To embrace the chaos and our season of life. And most importantly, if I do decide to put any pressure on myself, I will pressure myself to create a cozy, loving, fun environment that the kids remember rather than the perfectly decorated Christmas tree.

With that on my mind and with the ten steps from The Lazy Genius fresh, I have laid the foundation upon which we will be building traditions moving forward. The first step is auditing our current traditions.

I think about the things that have been handed down as traditions. Do they still matter or am I just doing them because it was important to someone else ? If it feels unrelatable or more like an obligation than a tradition, I ditch it.

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Once I have a better idea which traditions are important to our family, I ask myself the following questions about each individual tradition.

How does it make us feel?

Are we always frazzled when we do this? Or do we all really enjoy it? Do we feel more connected as a family afterwards? Can we laugh about it? Would we remember it for good reasons?

Do we look forward to it?

I want the kids to look forward to things with excitement vs dread. Going into something with a bad attitude sets it up for failure. I don’t mean the “I refused to nap or eat breakfast” kind of bad attitude. I mean the “I really hate that I am subjected to this” kind of attitude.

Can it be sustained?

In order for something to be a tradition, it needs to be something that we can continue to do long term. Make sure to manage expectations appropriately. Going to Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve used to be a tradition for us before we had children. Now that is just out of the question with 3 kids under 4. But, a new tradition of making it to Mass as a family is far more sustainable.

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Now, let’s talk practically. It all sounds great until there is a nip in the air and we are thrown back into the whirlwind of holidays again. In order to avoid that, I am preparing now. Here’s what I do now to avoid the headache for future Jess.

1. Make a list of all traditions for all holidays, birthdays, celebrations, etc.

2. Ask myself the three questions above. Ask my husband the three questions above. Ask my kids the simplistic version of the questions above - How does it make you feel? Do you like it? Do you want to do it again?

3. For anything that we decide to try as a tradition, schedule it. Or at least make note of it for the month in which we hope to do it.

Brooks’ one year birthday celebration

As an example, my favorite tradition that my household does is write letters for each child’s first birthday that they will open on their 18th birthday. I sob every time I write one. You can read more about that here - the tradition, not the sobbing. Here is how I would apply the steps above:

Tradition: Birthday Letter Writing

How does it make us feel? Even though I ugly cry through the entire writing process, they are happy tears. I am so proud of my tiny one year olds, and I love imagining what they will become based on what they are at such a young age.

Do we look forward to it? With my whole heart

Can it be sustained? As long as I’ve got fingers and a one year old, yep.

Practical Application: Reese will be one in late September 2020, so I will write on my September monthly view in my Simplified Planner: Write Reese’s one year letter. Since it is hard to know what my days will look like at that time of the year, monthly view is good enough at this point.

I also know that I will need to order a glass box that the letters will be collected in at her birthday celebration and then live in until her 18th birthday. I will write on my August to do list to order said box. That Type A enough for ya?

If you’re looking to apply this to your household, I really challenge you to dig deep and determine what matters to your family. Be realistic, manage expectations, and embrace your season of life.

Family Travel Prep : What Really Happened

I’ve said it before, but there is no vacation on a family vacation. You essentially transport all the stress and chaos of any typical day and add unfamiliar situations and places that don’t have all the essentials.

Honestly, I’d give our trip two big thumbs up. We were free of most tantrums, the kids obviously had fun with all our family, and we got to escape the Florida heat and experience mountain life for two weeks.

But all that is in exchange for two messy (literally and figuratively) travel days. Woof.

Planes, trains, and automobiles are all the rage right now.

The Airport

1. Don’t stress much about when you schedule the flights. Neither of our boys napped more than thirty minutes for the entire 8 hour (round trip) fly time. It’s new, unfamiliar, and exciting. They aren’t coming down off that high quickly enough to sleep well. Their schedule will be completely off on travel day. Embrace it.

2. If you can, use a baby carrier through the airport. I didn’t have to take it off through security which made life so much easier.

3. We used our car seat on the plane for our 1 year old…our convertible car seat - it is a tank. My husband carried it on his back with this car seat bag. While efficiency and connivence is a 10, this thing was so freaking heavy once the seat was in. Maybe lift some weights and run a marathon to prep for your trip?

4. We divided our carry-ons into two separate bags - an adult/in case of emergency bag with tickets, IDs, phones, etc. and the baby bag that had extra clothes, snacks, toys, books, etc. It worked well.

5. Like I mentioned, I am a very nervous flyer. This led us to arrive at the airport both times with HOURS to spare. While it was nice to let the babies run all over, it was a bit too long. I would say if you can be at your gate 1 hour before boarding, that is plenty to get everything organized and let the little legs stretch.

On the Flight

1. Bring a bunch of toys for kids that don’t like TV/movies yet. For the bigger kids, bring an iPad loaded with shows and movies. Vance needed constant entertainment, and Brooks only every so often looked away from the iPad.

2. Don’t get your hopes up on wiping anything down. You won’t have time or room or the capacity to do so.

3. We flew Southwest and got drink tickets when we printed our boarding passes. For some reason, we couldn’t use a digital pass with the way our tickets were purchased. However, when we printed them we got drink tickets. I saved those up and handed them to the poor souls seated in front of the boys about mid way through the flight. They were so appreciative that they barely noticed the tiny foot kicking them the rest of the way.

I need to take a second here to publicly appreciate my husband. I officially lost my shit in terms of anxiety on both flights. He stepped in and handled both boys for BOTH FLIGHTS. I looked out the window the whole time and cried. He deserves a medal, a boys night, a stripper gram, and whatever else he wants because he got us through it. To you good sir, a tip of the cap.

At Our Destination

1. If you have two kids of the same gender and roughly the same size, I highly recommend color coding clothes. It was so much easier to grab all the blue things for Brooks and all the green things for Vance without having to read the sizes. And when you’re putting on 4 layers on a toddler, any little bit of help is crucial.

2. High altitude can cause a myriad of health issues. We luckily avoided all the big ones, but I was really close to running to the local grocery for some meds. I knew right where it was and had the app downloaded just in case. Two minutes of prep that could save you in the long run.

3. On the car ride after the flight, our little guy tossed all his cookies in his carseat. We were lucky to be heading to a family home, so I knew there would be helping hands and a washing machine, but the biggest comfort was knowing exactly where he was going to go to sleep. I knew he had a little bed ready to rest his little head. It made my momma heart much happier when I was knee deep in vomit.

   1. Little side note here - if you experience some regression in terms of sleep on a trip, I wouldn’t be too concerned. We ended up having Brooks (2.5 yo) sleep in a pack n play because he wasn’t ready to sleep in a real bed with free range of an entire room. He slept great on the trip and the transition back to his normal bed has been fine. I would prioritize good sleep so that you can have some fun on your trip.

Misc.

1. I cannot recommend buying medical grade vomit bags enough. They are so much better than those plane bags. You can hold it with one hand (super handy when you have another kid requesting more snacks at the same time - yep, that happened), it doesn’t get moist like a paper bag, and if all goes well, you can use them as toys. They are cheap on Amazon. Do it and put one in front of every seat on the plane, every seat back in the car, and every carry on.

2. I wouldn’t recommend a family vacation as a time to plan on special bonding with your partner. My husband and I spent 1 nap time alone and actually bonding. It was great, but it wasn’t like we were going to look into each others eyes and hear doves when we were SO exhausted.

3. Similarly, plan on giving your partner a bit of grace. They are as stressed as you and trying as hard to make this a special time for your family.

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There you have it. That’s how it went. Our first vomit filled, hurry up and wait family vacation. I have never been happier to be home, but being able to say “OK!” every time Brooks said, “ I want to go outside and play in snow,” was so worth it.

Family Travel Prep : The Before

Full disclosure: I am a terrible flyer. I am very anxious the days leading up to a flight, and I have to really wrangle my thoughts once I am in that scratchy, narrow seat.

I have flown just once with a child - Brooks was 6 months when we went to Colorado with him. He did great, and honestly having him as a distraction was really helpful.

This time around we have Brooks at 2.5 years old and Vance at a squirmy 1 year old. I am optimistic that with the help of my old friend, iPad, Brooks will be fine. Assuming he doesn’t get motion sick…please hold to allow me to freak out about that.

Ok, back. The one I’m really worried about (other than me) is Vance That baby loves to move. Luckily, he also loves to eat so I’m hoping snacks will eat up at least half of our flight.

As a way to combat my anxiety, I prep. I make lists and change the lists and add to the lists. I literally make lists of lists. So here is what I have come up with to manage the chaos that awaits us.

Planes, trains, and automobiles are all the rage right now.

The Airport

I have spoken to a lot of people about the best way to do this - stroller vs no stroller, baby carrier vs rolling car seat, etc. Here’s my plan:

Scheduling Flights

There are only so many flights to your destination. We prioritized having a direct flight over timing of flights. There are just fewer variables (flight delays, cancellations, running through unknown airports) this way. With that in mind, we did try to get flights that were close to their nap times. We are also already embracing the fact that their eating and sleeping is going to be totally out of whack. With the time change, we knew this would happen anyway so we are just getting a jump on it!

Baby Carrier

I will wear Vance in my Ergobaby carrier. We have two, but I will be using this one now that Vance is big and going on my back. It is meant for outdoor adventures, but with the amount that I plan to sweat I think this qualifies.

Since I don’t often wear Vance, I am wearing him around the house on my back a bit to get him more used to the positioning.

Car Seat

Brooks will be sitting in the chair as is on the plane. However, Vance is squirmy and just turned one. While he could sit in the seat based on his size, he will likely be more behaved in his car seat, so it’s making the trip too. He’s outgrown his infant seat, so we have to take out Graco 4ever 4 in 1 seat.

Most convertible car seats seem to be larger than airplane seats. Make sure to call your airline to see how strict they are about having armrests down at all seats before take off.

Car Seat Bag

Multiple people recommended this bag to carry the car seat throughout the airport. This bag has shoulder straps, so my husband will wear the car seat, and I will wear the baby. I’ve also heard that this is a good place to store extra diapers and wipes if you plan on checking the bag - things that can’t really get damaged when it’s thrown into the plane.

Carry On

The one roll aboard carry on that we plan on bringing will be packed with emergency essentials. I’m thinking a spare outfit for everyone, toiletries, and snow gear that the boys will need when we land. Hopefully, we won’t use it at all but should we need it, it’s there.

Let them Run

Once we get to the gate, we are releasing the hounds! They are going to be confined for so long. that I don’t care what havoc they wreak in the airport. Of course, one of us will be following and apologizing for them, but I’d rather do that and have sleeping babies on the flight.

On the Flight

Distractions

I have been making a list of their favorite things for awhile now. Here’s what I plan to have as of now.

• Bubbles (small so that they can make it through security)

• iPad

• Snacks

• Wrapped Present (Brooks LOVES opening things)

• Two small new toys per child

• Post it notes

Wipe Everything Down

My mom has been wiping down her seat, tray table, armrests, etc. for years. People always look at us like we’re nuts. Now that I know how easily these tiny children can get the plague and pass it on to me, we are bringing sanitizing wipes for EVERY. DAMN. PART of our row.

I recommend not getting a strong scent. As someone with awful allergies, that would just set me up to hate you instantly.

Kill them with Kindness

There’s no doubt that people are in a rush this time of year. I am hoping that a nice smile from my husband and I and a generally friendly demeanor will help our fellow passengers give us a little grace.

If you’ve ever traveled with little ones, you know that the parents are trying. If the kids are losing it, so are the parents. Ask if you can help if you’re flying kid free. Or buy them a drink - preferably a strong one.

At Our Destination

Luckily, on this trip we are heading somewhere with a crib, changing table, washing machine, etc. so we don’t have to think about having the pack n play and all that includes.

Color Coding Clothes

We’ve gotten to the point where the boys’ clothes are so close in size that we have to read each tag to know what goes where. In order to combat this on vacation, any warm clothes that I’m buying for Brooks are blue and Vance gets green. If for some reason those aren’t options, Brooks gets as close to blue as possible. That way I won’t have to spend more of my vacation reading teeny tiny tags.

Do the Research

Especially if you are traveling to a destination with a difference in altitude or other major environmental changes that can effect your health, know where the nearest hospital, pediatric urgent care and pediatrician are located. In addition, see which grocers/Target are nearby and offer pick up. Download the app and have an order ready for pickup on your ride home. This is big for us since my boys love fresh fruit and dairy items. There is no chance that all four of us will be in the mood to shop at the grocery after a 4 hour flight and 2 hour drive.

Sleeping Arrangements

Vance is still rocking the crib so he will sleep fine in a pack n play or crib. Brooks is in a bed now and he is a bit of a wanderer. I know that I will have to clear out his room and he will likely be sharing a bed with his dad. That’s the plan for now. If no one is getting any sleep, we’ll fix it on the fly.

The point is - after all that travel, your kids will want a comfy place to rest their heads. Make sure that you have a plan and everything you need can be accessed quickly if you’re transitioning right from travel to bedtime. We usually have a two second strategy session as we park the car - You’ll do this, I’ll do that and we’ll meet in the middle.

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And now the part that can be a struggle for me, just go with it. I have two small boys who haven’t really traveled before. They’re going to go stir crazy, want out of their car seats, and be a general mess at times. That’s what I signed up for. When it feels overwhelming, I remind myself that I am giving them the gift of travel. Vance is going to see snow for the first time and Brooks is finally going to “fly away airplane” as he’s been requesting for weeks now. That matters more than the dirty look that I’ll be getting from 24E.

You Can't Hurry Sibling Love

I always had a strange feeling growing up that I would struggle with fertility. Totally normal childhood concern right? Matching Barbie wardrobes, wearing the right light up sneakers to match my Lisa Frank notebook, and impending fertility issues.

I was shocked when the exact opposite happened. I got pregnant with my first son pretty soon after my husband and I officially decided we were ready to embark on parenthood (hah!). I had a smooth pregnancy, and jumped into parenthood without looking back.

My son, Brooks, was a perfect baby. He slept well, ate well, played well. My husband and I thought we hit the baby jackpot (and we still do). It seemed like we blinked and he was eating solids, crawling, babbling, and sitting up all without any issues. We knew that we were good parents, but we also knew what a good kid we had on our hands.

Then we got cocky.

“Maybe we should start thinking about having another baby?,” I asked when Brooks was barely 8 months old. As if the stars aligned, we sat next to a couple at a wedding reception that same week who had just had their second child 18 months after welcoming their first. They went on and on about how wonderful it is. We green lit a second baby that night.

I regressed back to my concerns about fertility especially since I hadn’t gotten back into a normal period cycle since having my son. That concern was again deemed ridiculous when just a few weeks later I was looking at a positive pregnancy test.

We were ecstatic - we were going to have two babies just 18 months apart! As we geared up for another 10 months of pregnancy, a little seedling of doubt/guilt was planted into my mind.

Are we robbing Brooks of his special time with just his mom and dad? Is it too soon? Will he be ready? Our justification for this was always, “Don’t worry - I’m sure they will be best friends!”

Flash forward 10 months and we are welcoming a chubby new baby with the roundest head I have ever seen almost 18 months to the day since we welcomed our first. Once the meds wore off, it was time to introduce Brooks to his baby brother. He was so young, I really wasn’t expecting much of a reaction. But, baby, was I wrong.

Brooks’ lack of reaction spoke loudly. For the first few months Brooks didn’t give the new kid, Vance, the time of day. I’m sure he silently thanked him for the extra Bubble Guppies that he got to watch while I nursed, but otherwise he was uninterested.

We did our best to encourage interaction slowly. Brooks was learning body parts so we would suggest he tickle Vance’s toes or boop his nose. The few times Brooks decided it was safe ended in a look of disgust.

Eventually, Brooks understood that the new kid was a permanent fixture, but that didn’t change his mood. We continued to encourage interaction but Brooks was getting bigger and able to run away and scream or grasp his dad’s neck with the strength of a pro wrestler.

I stayed up crying for weeks thinking that I had done something wrong to both of my boys. I robbed both of them of the special sibling bond that I had banked on during those 10 months that I was cooking Vance. I was at fault, per mom guilt usual.

As Vance developed physically, we started to see a small shift in Brooks. Brooks started to sit closer and obviously question what Vance was all about around the 5 month mark when Vance was participating more at mealtimes. But still there was a lack of interaction that didn’t match the Pinterest perfect bond that I had in my mind for them. Naturally, I took to Google.

Instead of falling down the message board rabbit hole with all its unnecessary abbreviations that I spend an equal amount of time Googling, I took a step back. I thought about the situation without getting my emotions involved. These were the facts:

I had two healthy boys. They both were developing ‘on track’ according to medical standards. And they are both two very different human beings who are just starting to discover the world around them.

What I realized by just shifting my perspective a little bit, is that I was the only one putting pressure on my boys to bond. There was nothing wrong with the situation. It wasn’t what I had imagined, but at the same time they are both so much more than I could have ever imagined. When I take a step back, I really can see just how young they are. Even though they likely had no clue, the pressure that I put on them was unfair.

Sometimes I compare their sibling relationship to that of a married couple. There are life moments that present any couple with the opportunity to either grow together or grow apart.

I have seen these moments become more frequent in the past 3 months. Vance is now waving, saying a few select words, cruising, and becoming a toddler. With these developments, Brooks has taken a marked interest in what the the baby is doing. “Cute baby go night night?” is a commonly heard phrase in our home in addition to “Here you go, cute baby.” Which is the sweetest prelude to playing together that I could have asked for.

We have also continued to do our part to help them interact more. Every night Brooks hugs the baby, tells him he loves him, and closes the door of his bedroom. Little repetitive actions like this have made Brooks realize that Vance is an important part of his family (and that the kid is here to stay.)

Now that Vance is just about walking, I sense that the life moment that presents them with the opportunity to grow together is coming soon. Brooks loves to chase and be chased. Once his brother is able to play that game, I imagine that they will be inseparable.

But again, that is just my imagination.

If that doesn’t happen, I will still be there to encourage their own unique sibling love story.

Holiday Counting Exercise

This time next year, Brooks will be a preschooler. I cannot believe it.

I’m lucky to have a lot of educators in my life who can tell me a little bit about what to expect and how best to prepare my child. But, I often find myself wondering, “What else can I do to best prepare him?”

I try to inject learning into our day - lots of reading, counting stairs as we go, life skills, etc. It’s hard to create a fun and engaging activity when I am also trying to wrangle my newly walking one year old. That’s where Education.com comes in!

Their education resources are top notch…and fun! Brooks and I embarked on a Counting to 5 Challenge in a festive way with Education.com’s Lend a Hand activity.

So grab the finger paints, scrapbooking Holiday stickers, some markers, and a little glitter glue (it didn’t go everywhere, I promise), and let’s get to work!

Basically, each element of the tree will have 5 parts so that each time you can decorate your tree you can encourage your child to count to five. You start with a simple hand print, then 5 strands of glitter glue tinsel, then 5 ornaments, then a 5 pointed star on top of the tree and finally 5 presents underneath the tree.

Aside from being a simple activity that requires little prep time and clean up, the best part is that you can tweak this activity based on what you have around your house. I didn’t have glitter glue, so I used regular Elmer’s glue and glitter. If you don’t have glitter you can wait until the glue dries and then paint it with your finger paints. There’s always a workaround so you don’t have to run to Wal-Mart with your whole army in tow mid-activity.

I thought that the repetition of counting every element would bore Brooks, but he loved it. We started with “one, two, three, two, four” and by the end we could get to five easily.

I’m really encouraged by the ease of this activity and the results. We will definitely be printing off a few more activities and worksheets from Education.com!

And I’m sure that Brooks will be well prepared for preschool, even if I’m not!

Getting Out of the House with Kids and Your Sanity

Lemme tell ya, this isn’t easy. You might be thinking, “Jess, just go! Be free! Live!” And to that I say, no.

With the holidays upon us, there are so many fun things to do! I often make excuses to stay home, but recently I’ve noticed my kids really enjoying our outings. So I’ve saddled up and decided to embrace the fun alongside them.

I am a planner down to my soul. I anticipate and prepare like the apocalypse is on my doorstep. So now after 2.5 years of parenting little people and two toddlers wreaking havoc on my once stylish lifestyle, I know a few tips on how to get out of the house and have fun with your kids without losing your damn mind.

1. Have a backpack baby bag

   At my baby shower for my first son, my friends got me a beautiful leather camel colored bag. It is gorgeous. But once my little men got busy and heavy and walking, I couldn’t manage the children and a shoulder bag. So I only use that when I need to be stylish, and I opt for this bag more often. This one is also a good option for the dads. Although my husband rocks our tassle adorned baby bag like nobody’s business.

2. Research parking beforehand

   Parking is one of the few things that makes my husband anxious, so we always research where to park before we go to a new place. It’s helpful to know if you’re going to have to manage a stroller in street parking or if you’ll need a stroller at all if parking is onsite.

3. Embrace venues with outdoor spaces

   We honestly don’t go out to eat as a family often. But when we do, we always opt for a place that has an outdoor option. We worry far less about cleaning up if our kids are dropping food on the ground vs. inside. Also, its typically easier to let the kids walk around outside. They can stretch their legs and you can enjoy one or two bites of your food while its still warm.

   This also helps me with my shy child. I know that he tends to get more timid in enclosed spaces with lots of people so outdoors at non-peak times are best. You can read all about my shy baby here.

4. Stock your bag appropriately

   I never leave the house without a snack and water for everyone going on the adventure - including adults. I also have simple first aid (like band aids), hand sanitizer, sanitizing wipes, small toys, and extra clothes (again for everyone). So when the shit hits the fan, you’ve at least got animal crackers and fresh socks to get you through.

5. Work around your kids’ schedule

   I am a firm believer in prioritizing the kids’ schedule over my need to get out of the house. I try to keep as many naps as possible at home because that means they will sleep overnight better. That’s far easier now that they both only take one nap. When they were younger we would always shoot for the majority of their naps at home. Outings are going to be the best when your kids aren’t tired or cranky because they missed a nap.

Those are the basics. You’ll be prepared for any curveballs and still get to go out and have fun with those babies!

Birthday Letter Writing Tradition

This week is a bit crazy in our household - we are hosting Thanksgiving and our littlest man is turning one that same day!

Even through all the trips to the store (and back to store), I am looking forward to a few minutes of peace and quiet to work on my favorite first birthday tradition - letter writing.

First birthday celebrations can easily get out of hand and understandably so - it is a big deal! You kept that tiny person alive for a year! However, instead of getting lost in all the presents and cake, I like to focus my most meaningful energy into a present that my children won’t open for years.

For each child’s first birthday, I request that in loo of a gift (or let’s face it, in addition too, because baby presents are fun!) they bring a letter written to the child to be opened on their 18th birthday. The letter can contain their hopes and dreams, sage advice, or jokes.

The most important thing is that the letters are a symbol of the love that my children have been lucky enough to be surrounded by starting from go. I also love that even if some of their family members pass before their 18th birthday, they will still be able to connect with them at that special time.

Once we collect all the letters from near and far, I put them in a glass shadow box that is kept in their rooms. I love looking at the stacks of letters and thinking what a wonderful life we lead. Nothing could make me more grateful than knowing that my babies are loved by so many.

So as my littlest approaches that one year mark, I’ll dust off his shadow box, grab a box of tissues, and get to writing!

Happy Birthday, sweet Vance. You are truly a gift, and I am honored to be your momma.

Kindess Day for Kids

I love the word ‘kind’. I feel like that is what I want to raise my children to be - kind. It is all encompassing to me. Kindness implies that they are giving, empathic, helpful, and the list goes on and on.

While it can seem simple, it is sometimes the most simplistic things that are the hardest to teach - especially to a two year old. This year, we will be participating in Kindness Day by picking out a few of the random act of kindness ideas below to do.

sharing is caring and blah blah blah the kid ate my donut

Pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru

Let someone go ahead of you in line

Particpate in whatever donations your grocery store asks you about at checkout

Pick and give flowers to someone

Post anonymous sticky notes with validating or uplifting messages around for people to find

Compliment a stranger

Send an encouraging text to someone

Let a car into the traffic ahead of you

Hold the door open for someone

Share

Write chalk messages on the sidewalk

Donate old clothes

Send happy mail to someone you haven’t seen in awhile

Smile at strangers

Start a Little Free Library

2018 Family Costume Reveal : Toy Story

It’s no secret that I love making Halloween costumes. My husband usually has a commitment on Halloween so I am left doing a group costume alone with the boys. This year, that is not the case and I finally got to get the old man in on the fun!

Brooks, at the ripe old age of 2.5, is loving Toy Story and anything that flies so obviously he had to be Buzz Lightyear. Once I landed on that, I worked the rest of us around the movie.

I made these costumes entirely out of cardboard or foam paper and hot glue and some things that we had around the house. Assuming you can get all the right colors of foam paper in one container, this should be a VERY low budget family costume.

I opted to freehand the shapes for Buzz’s wings and Rex’s tail on cardboard and then cut with an Xacto knife. I then traced the shaped on foam paper to get the right sizes and colors. All the foam paper was secured to the cardboard using hot glue. I also bought affordable clothes for Woody + the baby alien costumes knowing that I would be hot gluing directly on to the shirt.

And you can’t forget The Claw for the little alien! I covered our wagon in trash bags leaving the seat belt accessible. I used the pole for the canopy that came with the wagon and an old wire coat hanger covered in aluminum foil for the actual claw. Pop some foam paper eyeballs on a green ballon and strap that baby alien in!

Jury is still out on whether my husband enjoys it! Fingers crossed! More photos to come on Instagram stories! Happy Halloween!

The complete list of essentials for each costume + the wagon are below:

Buzz Light Year

White long sleeve shirt + pants (size up because you’ll wear it over the hoodie)

Purple hoodie to layer underneath white shirt

Foam paper in green, white, blue, purple, red, and yellow

String to attach the front panel to the back wings

Cardboard

Hot glue + glue gun

Woody

Cowboy hat

Yellow shirt - use red sharpie to draw checkerboard pattern

Bandana

Foam paper - black, red, yellow

Hot glue

Rex

Green shirt + pants

Green baseball hat

Foam paper - lots of green, white

Cardboard

Hot glue

Note: the tail was tricky to attach. I ended up using a large binder clip and walking carefully. Try velcro strips.

Baby Alien

Green onesie

Foam paper - white and black

Hot glue

The Claw Wagon

Black trash bags

Aluminum foil

Foam paper - red for lettering on side

Cardboard - for the actual claw that will then be covered in the foil

String to attach the claw to the canopy

Hot glue

Celebrating Dia de los Muertos

My husband and I share similar backgrounds - Irish, German, Catholic - so there is little diversity in our household by default. In the current political climate, I think it is paramount that we inject some outside influences into our kids’ life. This year, we have decided to celebrate Dia de los Muertos, a Mexican holiday that translates into “Day of the Dead.”

If you’re familiar with the Pixar movie, Coco, (which is seriously underrated), Dia de los Muertos is the holiday on which the movie focuses. Having studied Spanish throughout my schooling, I was familiar with the basics of the holiday but this movie really struck a cord with me and showed me the true meaning.

The importance of family, living and dead, is the central theme. I love the thought that our passed family members are watching over us and know all about our lives and accomplishments. As someone who didn’t grow up with many living grandparents, I love that my kids are experiencing such a loving relationship with all their grandparents. It is such a treat to watching them all be together. It warms my heart to think that my grandparents are watching their kids be grandparents, and their grandchildren be parents, and their great-grandchildren grow into well rounded people.

This year is especially important as we have lost several family members. With COVID, we were not able to travel for funerals or to comfort our loved ones. I hope that celebrating the Mexican Day of the Dead traditions, we will gain a little closure and feel a little comfort.

To honor those important to us who have passed, particularly my grandparents, we are celebrating Dia de los Muertos on November 1. Of course, this is not your traditional Dia de los Muertos (hey, this is my first try!). If you’re interested in celebrating as well, here’s are the must haves for a DIY gringa Dia de los Muertos!

1. Offrenda

   The offrenda is the altar around which the celebration occurs. Traditionally, the offrenda is three layers to represent the underworld, the earth, and Heaven. The altar usually is covered in one purple tablecloth and one lacy. This article from Buzzfeed is my source for how to set up an offrenda properly. I will have to alter my altar a bit because babies and things on the ground don’t mix.

2. Marigolds

   Marigolds are the traditional flower of Dia de los Muertos. They are a brightly colored and potent flower that is intended to guide the dead to the living. Since I am very allergic to flowers, and have the blackest thumb, I opted for tissue paper marigolds using this DIY guide. (Instead of wire I used a thin piece of tape.)

3. Food

   It is customary to welcome the dead with their favorite dishes. Nothing says, “Hey, I miss you,” like a food.

4. Skulls

   I’m not sure if this is American-ization of the holiday or not, but skull imagery is used on everything. Brooks is hit or miss on what scares the pants off him, so we will be going light on the skulls. Likely just some plates and maybe some cake pops. If the kid is afraid of cake pops, I’m giving him back.

5. Photos

   The altar is decorated with photos of your passed family members. In Coco, if a family member’s photo doesn’t sit on the offrenda, they cannot pass through from the land of the dead to the land of the living. Jus sayin’.

6. Papel Picado

   These are the colorful banners you typically see as decoration. I’ll be following this DIY guide.
   

If you’re looking for simple ways to celebrate Dia de los Muertos for kids, I’ve got you covered. First, check out this free printable booklet. It has coloring pages, word searches, tracing practice, etc. so it is a great option for all age ranges.

I have also found some great (and easy) Dia de Los Muertos crafts for kids that we will be working on this week. Since I have focused my efforts to reduce household waste, I love the use of paper towel and TP rolls to make the sugar skull craft below.

And if DIY isn’t your speed, here are some Amazon prime items you can still get in time to celebrate Dia de los Muertos with kids!

Feliz Dia de los Muertos!

Halloween Costumes with a Baby Carrier

Updated: September 2020. Links below are affiliate links.

I LOVE Halloween. As I’ve gotten older and had babies, I love it even more!

Brooks’ first Halloween was about 5 months after he was born. I knew he wouldn’t really be able to participate at such a young age, but I wanted to include him in the fun with a baby Halloween costume. I think I was also looking for something creative to do at home when he was napping so I opted to make costumes that would allow we to wear Brooks in his baby carrier.

[2020 Jess is slapping 2018 Jess in the face for “looking for something to do.” Don’t worry, future Jess has a list a mile long]

I came up with two options - Astronaut Brooks and Safari Brooks. Both are easy and require only a few items that you might need to place an Amazon order for.

Astronaut Baby

This is my “cool weather” option. Brooks is outfitted in a little Nasa costume that my dad picked up. I believe he found it at the place where diets go to die, Cracker Barrel. Here is similar one. Mine was really lightweight, so he wore it all night and didn’t get too hot. I was the galaxy, so I attached scrapbooking stars to my black shirt and pants with hot glue. I used old clothes for this as they were essentially ruined afterwards.

The carrier is the rocket ship. I used felt for the actual shape and what are surely trademarked Nasa images from Google. The fire coming from the bottom is tulle, but you could use streamers as well. In retrospect, I would recommend using foam paper vs. felt for the body of the ship.

I attached the ship to the carrier with safety pins. If your kiddo is grabbing at things, make sure to strategically place the safety pins and keep an eye on him. I had attached the ship to the carrier before I put the carrier on me or the baby into the carrier, so it was simple to just pop Brooks in like normal.

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Safari Baby

Before I committed to making costumes, I had already purchased a Pottery Barn zebra costume for Brooks. I’m going to blame a late night nursing shopping spree for that. It was great, but really thick. Too warm for Florida in hindsight, but damn he was cute in it.

I bought a pith helmet on Amazon and wore an army green collared shirt open with a white tank underneath. I also whipped out my Bean boots for the occasion. My feet have never sweat more.

The carrier is meant to be the greenery/brush. I attached a full sheet of green felt (or foam paper) to the carrier using safety pins to cover up the blue color of the carrier. I then attached different kinds of leaves from Joann Fabrics using hot glue to that piece of green felt. I put one more leaf in my helmet and called it a day.

Since the zebra costume was warm, Brooks just wore a regular onesie when we weren’t out trick or treating. I changed him in the car into the zebra, and then put him in the carrier already outfitted with the leaves.

It looks like the zebra is discontinued, but this baby lion costume would actually be even better! And it is currently on sale.

The hardest part was getting his zebra head to stand up so that you could see him well enough. Once that was resolved, it was smooth sailing.

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Both these costumes look like them took much more effort and time than they really did, but that’s the name of the game for moms.

My favorite baby carrier is the ergoBaby 360 . It isn’t overly bulky and has padding in the right places.

Happy Halloween!

Why I Stopped Apologizing for My Shy Child

I describe myself as an extroverted introvert. If casually presented with the opportunity to socialize, I will typically decline. It is only when I am forced into social situations that I open up.

As a child I had to be told to say hello to others. I often wondered why I wasn’t more outgoing or eager to raise my hand when I knew the answer in school. I wanted to be the first one to volunteer to read, but I usually silently chanted “Don’t pick me. Don’t pick me,” instead. I didn’t really overcome my timid ways until I took a public speaking course…..as a sophomore in college.

Nowadays, I will ditch my sweats and go out because I think I should. I’ll begrudgingly put on make up and heels and head out into the wild. Afterwards, I’m glad I got outside my comfort zone, but always ten times more happy to be back in my sweats.

And I am fine with that life for myself.

Once I embarked on the ‘stranger danger’ phase with my son, Brooks, I was not surprised that it came on like a tidal wave. My husband was also a shy child, though he blossomed a bit sooner than I. We expected our child to have a healthy dose of skepticism in his blood.

I started to get a bit concerned when well past the 12 month mark, Brooks’ anxiety escalated. (Stranger danger usually peaks between 6-12 months.) He would cry even when his grandfather, who lives nearby and sees him often, visited. I felt awful for his grandfather because it was a meltdown every time he came over. But I always justified it with, ‘Sorry, you know he’s just so shy.”

At the time, he was still an only child (I was about 3 months pregnant), and I was a stay at home mom. We didn’t do many playdates outside of our home, and most of our outings were familiar. I hadn’t put much of an emphasis on socializing him or getting him outside of his warm and cozy shell.

His anxiety progressed into a phase where he would physically try to make himself as small as he could, balling up in corners or behind houseplants, hoping not to be seen. Once he realized that he was still clearly visible, he would shoot his arms out to me to be picked up and the flood gates opened. And there I was to offer “Sorry, he’s just so shy,” to make a guest feel more comfortable with the situation. Not realizing that my son was the one who was truly uncomfortable.

On any given day, he wouldn’t show any characteristics that triggered anything concerning beyond just being timid. Nothing like lack of direct eye contact, inability to smile, etc. that would lead me straight to the pediatrician’s office. So we worked on it slowly. First in more familiar situations with both parents by his side, then with just one parent, then with more strangers. We had our ups and downs but overall there was progress.

We continued down this path until the 2 year mark. At that point I took a leap of faith. I enrolled him in an interactive music class. We were the first ones to the class, and the teacher greeted him with open arms. He immediately froze. He was scared, unsure, and hid behind my leg. Instinctively, I pulled the ole ‘Sorry, he’s just so shy,’ out of my hat.

The instructor’s response stuck with me. She brushed it off and said, “Every child learns differently.” She went on to say that if Brooks is an observer, he will learn first by observing me. I would be his greatest teacher.

Great. So I, a former shy child myself, have to participate in this class and act like I would gladly dance around with a tambourine for 45 minutes? So I did. And eventually, at the 43 minute mark, so did Brooks.

Afterwards, I thought about the exchange I had with the instructor before class. I had essentially apologized for Brooks being Brooks. He is shy, but he also has the kindest heart. He loves to sway to sounds. He gives the best hugs. Why was I not opening with that? Though Brooks couldn’t understand what I was saying, I imagined how he would feel if he heard me apologizing on his behalf for a quality that comes so naturally to him.

I was heartbroken and ashamed. I realized that I was more concerned about the experience of others- strangers- than I was about the experience of my own child. From that moment on, I made a conscience effort to stop apologizing for my shy child.

I see his rambunctious, happy, playful side all the time. He loves to run and yell ‘tip-toes!’. Need a baking assistant? He’s there in a second. Got a ball? You can bet he is going to try to take it and run. Just because others’s don’t see this side of him, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist or matters any less.

I imagine that he will be a lot more like me, an extroverted introvert, than I ever expected. The music instructor was right. I am his greatest teacher. I often find him hanging out in his bed relaxing. He knows that he needs a little extra time to recharge at 2 years old; something I didn’t realize until my 20s.

The other thing that he knows is that not everyone is worthy of seeing those special sides of him. He will grow up making others earn his trust. He is not willingly giving the most valuable pieces of himself away to any stranger who says hello on the street. Again, something that I didn’t learn until my 20s.

I realized that if I go through life expressing regret for Brooks being a shy child, that teaches him that there is something wrong with the way he is. And that’s just not the case. He learns best by watching others. He observes. He eventually mimics, and if someone really peaks his interest and earns his trust, he will engage.

And I am fine with that life for my child. No apologies.

Handsfree Hacks

Kids have a lot of stuff.  Stuff to eat. Stuff to put on their butts. Stuff to play with. Stuff to wipe their butts. Stuff to wipe their slobber. Stuff to entertain them. 

Moms also have a lot of stuff.  Stuff to take pictures of your super cute, snowflake bebe.  Stuff to eat. Stuff to drink.  Stuff to occasionally watch Instagram stories on while your kid learns to avoid certain death on the playground. Nope scratch that.  I meant "while your kid learns independence." 

Below are the best products to give you a hand so that you can catch the toddling toddler or prop up your newborn after feeding without mastering the art of juggling. 

1. Loopy Cases

I was never a popsocket person.  I thought they were bulky.  I bought a loopy after I had my second son because I instantly realized how much more I would need to be carrying including those soul suckingly heavy infant car seats.  It slides over your finger when you're on the move without getting in the way. 

2. O Venture Keychain

Have you ever dropped your keys on the floor of the car when you're unhooking a car seat? And then they magically disappear once the kid is free to run into traffic? Yep. 

This keychain slides over your wrist giving you the flexibility to hold them while performing everyday tasks.  It is a bit large, but you get past that once you see how useful it is. 

3. Backpack Diaper Bag

I love a beautiful bag, but the functionality of a backpack diaper bag cannot be beat.  I don't have the time to adjust a bag, push a stroller, wipe drool, and not lose my mind.  I have two - a cute one and another one that can get sunscreen or any other mystery goo all over it.  

4. Apple Watch 

One of the more luxury items on the list, but it has saved my sanity.  Being a Type A scheduler, I have timers going constantly.  Mostly for warming bottles, but I don't have the luxury of standing in the kitchen to wait for it.  I also like that I can see emails and texts come through immediately so that I can determine their urgency without having to check my phone constantly.  And my favorite feature is that the watch will ping your phone when you can't find it - or when your toddler hides it.  Well worth the price tag. 

5. Straws 

If I had a third arm, most of the time I would be giving myself a drink with it.  I fill up a large Yeti with ice water in the morning and leave it on the kitchen island all day.  I pass by to do nearly everything, so each time (whether I've got my hands full of people or laundry) I can bend over and take a swig.  Besides, the whole world is going strawless now anyway.  Join the bandwagon with these stainless, dishwasher safe straws. 

6. Monitor with a portable screen 

If you're still in the baby monitor stage, you know what a pain it is to lug the screen around while you're getting things done.  Some monitors (like this Project Nursery one that I have and love) comes with a tiny monitor that slips on a watch band or a keychain.  I hook it on, and I can go the same range as the large screen. 

7. Universal Remote

I have one of these sitting in the office that has yet to be synced to our TV (hint, husband, hint), and I can't wait to use it.  We use Amazon TV, Netflix, and cable so we have way too many remotes to keep track of.  This way we only have to deal with one, and only have to hide one from our toddler. 

8. Amazon Alexa

The ultimate handsfree tool.  I don't have one, but my in-laws love theirs.  The kids also love to have conversations with her, so double whammy! 

10 Tips for Going From 1 to 2 Kids

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After having my second child when my first was a mere 18 months old, I was often asked which of the following was easier.  

Going from 0 to 1 kids

OR

Going from 1 to 2 kids

While they each presented their own challenges, going from 1 child to 2 children was WAY easier and here's why. 

We knew what we were getting into.  We knew that there would be nights when the newborn is going to be wide awake at 3am and want to sleep the rest of the day.  We knew how to give the first bath.  We knew how to jam my boob into the baby's mouth properly.  We knew how tired we would be.  

The mental aspect was easy.  We accepted that the first 2-3 months were going to be a shitshow.  Our toddler would watch way too much Bubble Guppies and probably eat way too many frozen fish sticks. 

Once you overcome that mental hurdle, the physical aspects are simple.  You just do it.  You wake up 3+ times at night to feed the baby, then you're up at 6am to take care of the toddler.  If you're lucky, both parents will get an extended leave.  If not, you power through.  

And powering through is so much easier with your second child because you know how truly rewarding parenting is.  You've seen how they grow (so quickly!) into little personalities.  They don't stay blobs that barely respond for long.  All the smiles and snuggles and bedtime stories remind you that these little people see you with rose colored glasses on.  You're perfect to them...even with toothpaste in your hair and your bra on backwards.  

So if you're nervous about having your second child, below are a few tips + links to hopefully get you out of the water.  

Caffeinate + Hydrate

The days are long, but the years are short.  But the days are like really long. 

Find the balance between 'Oh my God I've had so much caffeine I'm going to shake to death" and " I have to pee every 5 minutes because of all this water."  The caffeine will keep you going and the water will at least make you think you're making healthy choices. 

Spend time with each child alone

This can be really hard at the beginning.  I admit, I didn't do a great job.  Since I was nursing #2, #1 spent a lot of time with his dad.  I should have been more proactive about it, but I was tired and sore and busy making excuses obviously.  Hand over the littlest one every now and then and play with the big guy.  Do what he wants to do.  Remember how silly and fun you used to be with him.  That's who he wants to see. 

Get on a schedule ASAP

This saved my sanity.  When I had an idea of what to expect each day, I could manage the little hiccups that came along.  

Sync the schedules

One of my OB nurses suggested this every appointment - get your kids to take at least one nap at the same time.  My older son always napped around lunch time, so I knew that I had to work it out so that the little fella did one of his naps then.  I fiddled with his Eat, Play, Sleep routine until I got the naps within 30 minutes of each other.  

Now that they are 2 and some change and 9 months, they still have a nap that overlaps.  It allows me to finish the housework, write, eat lunch, and get ready for the afternoon.  It is essential.  

Involve your older child

18 months is a bit young, but I was still able to ask Brooks for diapers and wipes.  He would waddle over with them for the baby.  It gave him a sense of purpose in the times when I was truly focused on the baby.  

Know that your children will be as different as night and day 

My first son had a dairy intolerance as a newborn.  It took long nights of him writhing in pain and a tummy that was hard as a rock for me to put two and two together.  Once I figured it out, I started a dairy and soy free diet.  However, it takes a long time for all the dairy and soy in you to be completely flushed out.  So Brooks continued to writhe with a hard belly for another 10 days - 2 weeks.  It was truly awful.  I (of course) blamed myself for not knowing and not eliminating the allergens sooner. 

With my second, I cut the dairy out of my diet a full month before he was due just in case he had the same intolerance.  I slowly reintroduced dairy once I felt like I knew his patterns and temperament.  He was fine.  All the worrying, sending meals back, and label reading was unnecessary this time around.  He is, after all, a completely different baby. 

There will be a lengthy transition time

We are still in the midst of this, and there is a post in the works on that.  Basically, your older child will act differently.  He'll want his normal amount of attention and do anything to get it.  And your older child might not love the little one immediately.  It takes time. 

Purge your house before baby #2 arrives

I foolishly started doing this when the littlest was 1-2 months old.  I hit a boiling point where we had too much stuff.  All I wanted was a clean house with only the essentials.  

I recommend A Simplified Life by Emily Ley.  It's step by step how to simplify all aspects of your life.   

Just Laugh

If you're still not scared, check out these articles.  They will make you laugh.  

Transitioning from One Child to Two: Hello Shitshow

13 Solid Pieces Of Advice For Parents Going From One Kid To Two

Have a Little Confidence

First of all, you've done this before.  You know how to take care of small humans.  Sure, they will each be different and take you to unexplored territory.  But that's the fun of it too.  Go on an adventure together knowing that you'll both be better on the other side.  

Life's Tough. Get a Helmet.

When my daughter, Piper, was born, I was handed a beautiful baby with a slightly wonky-shaped head.  I was told that she would outgrow it and that almost all babies who are born “naturally” have a bit of a funny shape to their head. 

Fast forward to her one-month check-up and her pediatrician mentioned that she had a flat spot on her head, but as long as we kept up with the prescribed amount of tummy time, it should naturally correct itself.

Guess what?  It didn’t.  And at her 6-month check-up she was referred to an orthotics specialist to see if she should be evaluated for a cranial reshaping helmet…and then I lost my $#*!. 

The mom guilt was so strong.  So, so strong.  I had all kinds of questions – What could I have done to prevent this?  Did she not do enough tummy time? For the record, Piper hated tummy time and sounded like she was being murdered every time she did it, so I did the bare minimum recommended amount, because my heart and new Mom nerves couldn’t take it.  But maybe that was bad.  And seriously, why didn’t I make her do more?  And did her Rock N’ Play give her a flat spot?  And on and on and on…oh my gosh.

And then there were more questions.  Some were selfish: Will everyone think I’m a bad mom?  Will people think I just left my kid on her back in her crib for the first 6 months of her life? Some were really worrisome: Will the helmet make Piper unhappy?  Will it affect her development?

I did a ton of research to see if a cranial reshaping helmet was right for Piper.  I read more about plagiocephaly (the official medical term for a baby with a flat head) than I ever cared to.  A large majority of doctors think that growing into adulthood with a flat spot on one’s head will not have any long-term health effects.  However, a few studies suggested that not fixing a flat spot could lead to a kid having vision problems or headaches in the future.  I also thought about the fact that I have no idea what kind of person Piper will be or what her style will be as she gets older.  What if she wants to style her hair in a pink buzz cut someday?  Would her flat spot prevent her from being able to do that? 

After a few head scans and fights with the insurance company, Piper got her helmet.  It came with the instructions that she had to wear it 23 hours per day.  And there were so many tears…but only from me.  She was totally unaffected by the whole experience.  It may be coincidence, but she actually started sleeping through the night once she got her helmet.  And she totally loves it.  Like, really, really loves it.  Like, loves it so much, that if I take it off her, she immediately snuggles with it.  No joke.

I also decided that this experience was the first opportunity we had to teach Piper to roll with the challenges that life throws at you.  So, while I wasn’t excited by the helmet, I asked my sister-in-law to make a ton of great t-shirts for Piper and I ended up decorating the helmet with watermelons (the perfect Summer look).  I had no idea how many companies cater to helmet babies.  You can buy decals, bows, t-shirts and all kinds of cute accessories (I got Piper’s helmet decals from here). 

And you know what else I learned?  It’s temporary.  Her time in her helmet is coming to a close soon and it passed by in the blink of an eye.  She has a nice, round noggin now and she’s adorable as ever.  The doctors assured me that there was very little I could have done to prevent her flat spot, and I choose to believe them.  Because the mom guilt?  It’s just not worth it…

Vance at 9 Months

Six to nine months is my absolute favorite age for little people! There are so many changes happening - emotionally, physically, and developmentally.  It is a busy time for them, but also for the whole family with schedule changes, the introduction of table food, and possibly family meal time.  

Vance's Schedule at 9 months 

7AM: Wake up call + breakfast [oatmeal, yogurt melts, bottle]

745AM: Walk

9AM: Nap #1 (usually lasts about 1.5 hrs) 

11AM: Lunch [one puree food, one learning finger food, small pieces of fruit, water]

12PM: Playtime

115PM: Nap #2 (This one is evolving.  Sometimes its only about an hour, others it can be as long as two) 

330PM: Snack [bottle]

5PM: Dinner [one puree, finger food, water]

545PM: Bath 

630PM: Bottle + Bedtime 

Introducing Table Food

Insert anxiety about choking here.  I have introduced table foods to my boys at around 7-8 months based on where they are with their chewing development.  I always start with Gerber Puffs and Yogurt Melts.  They dissolve so I freak out far less about choking.  

The biggest thing to note about this development is that it is incredibly time consuming.  The foods have to be chopped into tiny pieces, the baby has to have the opportunity to learn how to pick up those tiny bits, and then when you are tired of waiting for one piece to make its way to the baby's mouth, you spoonfeed the tiny bits.  Vance's meals at this age take 30 minutes minimum.  

We stick with trying one new food at a time since we have a family history of food allergies.  I observe things like his digestion [READ: poop schedule and consistency] and skin for hives/rashes.  

The challenge at this age is determining when the baby has had enough food.  He's still enjoying his purees and formula, so right now the table food is supplemental.  At some point, it will start to push the others out.  But figuring out that timing is purely a momma gut call. 

Play evolves

Vance is no longer crawling around, sitting to rest, and continuing to crawl.  He is far more interested in things now.  He pulls up on them and he pulls them over onto him. The danger zone has expanded. 

He also LOVES his brother.  He loves trying to chase him, watching him play, and even when his brother throws a basket on his head.  He's just happy to be there! 

Some of his favorite toys right now are board books, a giant teddy bear, and his shape sorter.  

He's also started to respond to our cues.  He loves to play "So Big" and raise his arms up.  He's so proud, and so am I. 

Eagle Eye

I say that 6-9 months is the greatest because once 9 months hits, and the baby is standing and pulling up on things [and soon cruising on furniture], you have to watch him like a hawk.  He pulls on things that aren't sturdy.  He's curious about things and wants to explore them with his mouth. He's busy, which means you need to caffeinate, lady.  

Also, now that he has interests, he doesn't like to be confined.  He wants to explore, so dropping him in the pack n play beyond the time it takes to brush your teeth and get half a face of makeup on, is hard.  

Soak it up

This is a bittersweet time.  Vance is still so small, but I can see the end of the baby tunnel.  He doesn't want to cuddle.  He's ready to make a mess, he's ready to get going, but I'm not ready to let him go.

But that's not the gig I signed up for. These sweet monsters grow too fast, and 9 months is when that is most evident.  

Happy 9 months, Vance Thomas.  We love your spiky hair, sweet smile, and the bumps on your forehead from being adventurous.  

An Adventure in FPIES

It all started one dark and stormy winter night. Just kidding, it was a gorgeous morning, the birds were chirping, and I had an almost two year old and a 5 1/2 month old happily cooing back and forth at one another. As a two-time so called “experienced” mama, and a pediatric occupational therapist, I felt confident enough to introduce solids into my little one's diet. What I didn’t know was that there would be a slightly turbulent road ahead.

So that day, I mixed some lovingly pumped breastmilk with some Earth’s Best baby oatmeal (it’s $3, organic and hypo-allergenic...total mom win), and gave my sweet Emma girl a couple spoonfuls. She was totally digging it, so I gave her a spoonful more. And then maybe another spoonful after that. Can’t argue with a happy, hungry baby!

Emma about an hour before a reaction

Exactly two hours later, Emma was a wreck. She vomited every five minutes for the next two hours, and was quite lethargic. I had a hard time arousing her, but figured that vomiting was pretty exhausting, especially for a 5 1/2 month old. Now, if I know anything about moms, it’s that we always blame ourselves. Certainly there was something wrong with the breastmilk I had mixed or that I possibly just overfed her since she was loving it so much.  I felt awful, and was so embarrassed, but the doctors office said not to worry, just to wait a week or two and try again.

Fast forward to two weeks later, we tried again. This time, I told myself I would be super smart and only give her a teaspoon since I surely overfed her last time. Exactly 2 hours later, she had an even worse reaction. Every five minutes she vomited like clockwork for the following three hours. As a mom of two small children, I have seen my fair share of nasty stomach bugs, but I had never seen vomiting quite like this. Have you guys ever seen that scene from the Exorcist where green vomit sprays 10 feet across the room? That was my tiny baby. When Emma ran out of things to throw up, it started coming out like slimy yellow and green bile. She was so lethargic that she wasn’t even blinking, not even flinching each time she’d throw up...it would just pour out of her mouth.  At that point, I did what any respectable Millenial Momma would do...I called my mom. Together we called my pediatrician, and they told me to go to the ER. On our way, Emma stopped responding to me. I was pinching her feet, calling her name, moving her around, doing anything I could think of to keep her awake. I could have dropped her on the ground, and she would not have reacted.

You guys, this sounds like a scary story, but I have to tell you I was calm as a cucumber. That is, until I met the ER doctor. Ladies, I want you to close your eyes and take yourselves back to the guy at the bar in college. The super hairy, kind of creepy, extra narcissistic guy that somehow showed up drunk everywhere you went. That was our ER doctor. I spent $1500 for him to tell me that she had a stomach bug. Yes, a stomach bug coincidentally 2 weeks apart at exactly two hours after eating oats. Love that guy.

If I’ve learned anything working in the medical field, I have learned that doctors are human. Some doctors are better than others, and everyone has a different opinion on everything. Luckily, I have two great pediatricians who have been ultra supportive. The ER doc told me I could continue to introduce all foods slowly, and unfortunately Emma had the same reaction later to rice cereal. 

About FPIES

One lengthy Google search for me, and another Google search for my super experienced pediatrician, and he came up with a diagnosis of FPIES...food protein-induced enterocolitis syndrome. And yes, it’s as fun as it sounds. Basically it’s a rare food allergy that has a characteristically delayed reaction because the allergy doesn’t occur until the food is processed in the gastrointestinal tract. The main symptoms include profuse vomiting, sometimes diarrhea, extreme lethargy, pale or blue skin, and eventually can lead to a sepsis-like shock. Unfortunately, there are no tests that consistently signal an FPIES diagnosis, and it is often considered a diagnosis of exclusion. In our case, blood tests were performed to rule out traditional allergies.  Because it is not a traditional allergy, it does not respond to an EpiPen and sometimes requires a hospital trip. In an emergency situation, fluids are given to help stabilize blood pressure and improve dehydration. The good news is that FPIES usually resolves with time, at around 3-4 years old. Medically supervised oral challenges with trigger foods are given to children once they are suspected of outgrowing the diagnosis.

Daily Life

Right now, my baby girl is on a grain free diet—meaning no rice, oats, wheat, quinoa, or barley. Who knew babies could live without Cheerios? I find myself reading labels constantly at the grocery store, and I admit that pre-FPIES I thought “gluten-free” meant grain free...nope! Most gluten-free foods are made with rice flour...who knew? Luckily, Emma is only 10 months old now and does not seem to notice big brother’s waffles or Pirate’s Booty versus her green beans and chicken, but someday soon we will all have to transition to grain-free. Guess we will have to hop on board the paleo bus after all!

Disclaimer: We are not licensed professionals. The content in this post is someone's personal experience and not intended as medical advice. If you think your child has a medical issue, please contact professionals.